I think about the time I spend working on my “stuff”…. consciously deepening myself— finding ways to give more, be in more service, increase my capacity to not judge and be as fiercely kind as possible… to transform my unhealthier parts into healthier ones…. is it worth it?
Occasionally, I wonder if I’m so broken that I need to spend all this time, while other people seemingly just are kind, deep, impactful and amazing more naturally.
Many days it feels futile and hopeless to continue—the world can seem doomed in so many ways and working to make it better, when my personal impact doesn’t seem anywhere near substantial enough.. it can feel so discouraging.
Some people seem to be navigating this life just fine without any awareness at all that something else is possible or more from each of us…
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Good nah! ?
“To stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening.”
~ Pema Chodron
With this quote as a guide, Some days I am absolutely certain I am as fully awake as I can be.
Other days, I must be either sound asleep, or at some momentary destination, cause I can’t even relate to how that feels.
I’ve discovered over time and serious practice, the middle of these two ranges is where I’m best to make choices, create momentum and commit to things— The totally broken me, or the on fire me— neither are super sustainable for long periods of time.
The gentle middle– it’s where I belong and live the most effective life possible.